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Is two years too long to wait for progress?


I was starting to wonder if my son needed extra help or maybe my teachings weren't good enough.


I can get into this cycle of mom guilt when I start to notice when my son is having difficulty with something. Am I not doing enough? Have I not modeled this correctly? I can admit, I am a bit of a perfectionist and can be quite hard on myself. But recently, I looked back on some of the articles that I wrote and came across "The Little Things That Matter." Well, it had me go back and say to myself, "hey, you remember that whole thing you wrote about not worrying, but to focus on the little details?" Well, I needed that reminder and needed to take my own advice.


Tantrums.


Tantrums can really test your patience as a parent, right? It's like a switch flips and your cheerful little one transforms into a mini tornado! My son is a pro at throwing epic tantrums - the yelling, the tossing of objects, dramatic falls, and even some hitting and kicking! When he was one, he would head-butt the floor (apparently, that's a thing for some kids). Hugs and kisses? Not his style. He prefers his space. After calming down, we may get a chance to talk about what he could've done instead but that only lasts for a hot minute. Yet, there are those shining moments of progress - like when he dials down the throwing. We've tried redirecting with using tissues and paper instead, but the ultimate goal is no throwing, right? We've been working on toning down the shouting and he's starting to get the message. Slowly but surely, we're making some headway.


Peace corner.

What I wasn't sure of was how he was going to manage his emotions. We started a peace corner a little before he was two. I bought different materials that he could use to calm himself. We'd practice using them before bed and he loved them. When it came to his tantrums, however, he refused the tools. But still, I found opportunities to demonstrate them. He did love blowing out candles, so that was used for quite a while.


Over time, I filled his corner with emotion sensory bottles, feathers to blow on, chimes, an emotions mirror, images of different emotions and a comfy little couch. It was a bit intense and trust me, not needed. Turns out he just needed a space to express his sadness. So we gave him that space. At three and a half, we placed a cushion in the corner of his bedroom and when he was upset he'd lay down on it. He preferred to be by himself until he was ready to interact. Drawing from what I learned in a special needs course, I made a couple more purchases in hopes of implementing some peace corner strategies that could be beneficial. So I bought a heavy rose quartz (for grounding) and a cretan Labyrinth (a maze-tracing tool ). Both I felt would give him an opportunity to concentrate. However, he showed no interest in them at all! He preferred the rose quartz to be eaten by one of his t-rex toys and was quite upset about the intended purpose. Consequently, it remained in the peace corner untouched.


Cretan Labyrinth

One day, I decided to show his dad how to use the Cretan Labyrinth. My son looked with intrigue when normally he would ask us to put the item away and play with him instead. But he watched for a while and when done, went on his merry way.


A week later, he had a big tantrum and some big feelings. Running off crying, as is his norm, he was tremendously upset, asking to be left alone. So I did. I gave it some time to check in on him. He was in his peace corner, sitting on his couch, holding the rose quartz tightly in his little hands. I did not expect this at all. He did allow me to keep him company so I pulled out the labyrinth and began to trace it myself while we sat in silence. I practiced taking deep breaths and soon after, he began to join in. It was like the skies had opened up and a light was shining through because this was the most unexpected transformation.


After this moment, he grabbed a sad and angry emotion toy to show how he was feeling. He then went back to the rose quartz. He was in that space for quite some time and still had trouble calming himself completely after leaving. But...baby steps.


A few days later, I hear crying. Because I thought his dad was with him, I didn't check in just yet. To my surprise, I see my husband walking by while my son was still crying. Within the few seconds I felt horrible for not checking in on him, I hear quiet. He was in his peace corner, holding his sad emotion toy in his hand.


Next, he pulled out a feather and begin to blow on it. Then, he pulled out a scarf that he learned to use when he was two (he places it over his head trying to blow it off). I was shocked. I didn't need to intervene. When he finished, he ran to me and exclaimed, "I went to the peace corner! I dropped a rock on my foot and went to the peace corner." It wasn't a tantrum but he felt hurt and decided to find ways to calm himself in the moment. He told me about the tools that he used and that he tried the labyrinth, which helped him feel better. The best part was seeing how proud he was of himself!


Remember, we have been working at this for two years! I wasn't asking for tantrums to go away but for him to at least cope better and tell us his needs. For a while it didn't seem like we were getting anywhere. I figured it would take time, but I expected within a few months I'd have a son who could fully express his feelings with calm words like a mature adult, which of course is a very high expectation for a three year old.


Although there is still much for him to work on in the tantrum department, I have been able to see improvements. With limits and constant reminders, we can see that the journey has been worth it and we are glad that this wasn't something we decided to quit on.


Another win from yesterday: yoga was another strategy we tried some time ago and he wasn't having that either. But as of yesterday, we did a dino yoga video together and he loved it!


*Little reminders

Sometimes these post are like little journal entries for me. I can go back on the things I've experienced as a parent and remind myself that I was able to make it through and so was my son. I can feel good about that as a mom, even on days where I feel like I fall short. For those who struggle with mom guilt, I suggest starting your own journal, where you can write down:


  1. The good things that happened that day between you and your child and

  2. All that you are grateful for.


You'll come to find out that even on your busiest of days, the 10 minutes of play meant the world to your child.


Keep pressing on and best wishes!

Kommentare


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